"Who even are you?"

A question for all of us.

I hear kids ask this sometimes, when a friend has said or done something so out of character that it stops everyone. Generally, they all laugh—one person nervously, the rest with mild curiosity. Is this person going to double down on the weirdness, or get back to 'normal'?

It's a subtle but powerful reminder of the social compact; a clarifying moment of choice. Are you signaling a new 'you' or is this a momentary lapse?

Growth is risky. We must shed old skins to fulfill our potential, but sometimes when we do, we are momentarily unrecognizable to the people around us. This can go either way; people can remind us of who we truly are, but they can also hold us back from becoming that.

Identity is complicated, fluid. We decide in each moment if we will be true or false, good or evil. When you're young, this feeling is constant, and often freighted with expectations from parents, friends and even society. 

And it never goes away, even at my age. 

Obviously, our country is at a similar crossroads. No American can deny or escape this moment of uncertainty, especially teenagers. They are watching us to see who they should—or should not—become. They depend on us to help them navigate, and to protect them when their choices cut against the grain of peer pressure. 

The hardest thing, as a parent, is to support your child when their choices do not mirror your own. To see through the fog of what feels like rebellion, and recognize their good intentions; their desire to become who they are on this earth to be. 

You may want a lawyer, but you may get an artist. 

You may want a conservative, but you may get a liberal. Or vice versa.

Deal with it.    

There are easy roads and hard roads in our society. After Princeton, I saw clearly-defined pathways to Wall Street, law school, med school and corporate America. There was no job listing for 'novelist' or 'entrepreneur'. These things have always been left up to individuals to figure out, often with a 99.9% failure rate.

And I have failed at everything. 

But so did Michael Jordan, and Thomas Edison. You get buried by the weight at first, but one day you find you are strong enough to lift it. Getting there requires commitment, effort, discipline, sacrifice. Core values.

You decide who you are, and by the grace of God and your own will, you become it. 

So how do we foster these values in our young people when everything around us is upside down? How do we model virtue when we feel like we can't even recognize it anymore?

First, remember that goodness is not momentary; it is eternal. We know truth when we see it, even if it is inconvenient, or if everyone around us denies it. See it, grab it with both hands and a leg, and hold onto it through whatever storms may come.

Young people will see you do that, even if they pretend they don't.

Second, forget about the outcome. Nothing is guaranteed—and life wouldn't be much fun if it were. Embrace the struggle; do it together. These are big moments, historic moments. There is a lot at stake. If kids see you rise to the challenge and do what's right, they will too.

Sometimes 'doing what's right' is simply getting out of bed and making it through another day. And having an answer you believe in when someone asks, "Who even are you?"

Let's start with that.